Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
bring money and cleavage
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
