woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize