Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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