its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize