Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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