im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize