before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think I am morally bankrupt
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
