worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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