We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
