Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
be right there i have to get my cape
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
