this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
love makes seman taste better
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
