So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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