"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
