The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
