The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
