While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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