Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
