I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
