So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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