Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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