i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
