hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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