Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
