It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
