ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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