I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
