I'm lost and stupid without you.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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