Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
