I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He passed out mid-signature
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Houston, we have a blender
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
