i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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