what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
