Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
