Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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