my phone needs a breathalizer
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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