There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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