He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
