If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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