You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
