If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
