She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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