the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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