Porn is love you can see.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
