just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
