You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
