if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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