Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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