I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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