Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I wish I could teleport
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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