I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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