so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
