We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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