i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
