Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
