i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
