Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize