Where is the hickey?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
