my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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