i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
