woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
