He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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