bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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