I skipped work to stalk him.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
