God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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