I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
