Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
