No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
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