There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
