i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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