Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize