Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
