I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
