does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Sext me about skeletons
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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