I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the day after is always just damage control
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
