dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize