She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
