i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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