hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
