Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
