You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
