he looks like a really good dad on facebook
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
