If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
