:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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