I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
