I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
