Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
